Thursday, November 19, 2009


Two days ago, i suffered the biggest loss of my life. I had lost someone to me that was a protector, a friend and a part of the family. I still remember the glee with which 13 summers ago i saw her, a mere puppy of 5 months, as black as soot and quivering with fear at her new surroundings. Never once will I forget the words of my mother, "Look under the sofa.". And so it began, a closeness that will never ever be lost. At first sight, i fell in love, with those big brown expressive eyes of hers. The way she used to express her love for all us, and a love as unconditional as any mother can give her child, a love untainted by the impurities of the outside world, one free from corruption and evil. She simultaneously in one life-time acted as my sister and mother. In her early years, combatting for my mom's attention with me, it was almost like a kind of sibling rivalry. Slowly, as dogs always do, she started to age much quicker than me and eventually considered me like a son. She used to actually try to protect me from the servant when she used to sweep the room when i was sleeping in. The family itself went through many changes. One change that affected her the most was the arrival of the car. Her special treat used to be a ride in the car. The way her eyes used to light up at the mention of the word "Chengala" (malayalam word for leash), and following which she used to run after my dad to work her magic with those expecting eyes. She had her share of mischief in her as well, while earlier, she took a particular liking to shoes, plastic covers and enjoyed "marking her territory" in places she knew I'd step on. Later on, she took to turning the dustbing over and eating chicken bones, which were actually bad for her. It's funny how on my last trip home, she started living out a second childhood because i remember at least 2 instances where I stepped into..... Never mind. One of the biggest regrets, i think, of her life was that she could never have any pups. She used to sometimes climb into dark corners as though pretending that she was going to give birth. She would have made a fantastic mother i'm sure, the way she used to try to take care of me was enough proof of that. She died two days ago, from an un-known sickness after 3 hours of excruciating pain. Because i'm in hostel right now, I don't think the enormity of her death, nor the void that it has created in my home can be understood quite fully yet, but it has affected me deeply enough to write this blog post, the only one that really means something to me. This is to you Tinku, farewell.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

The Fine Line between genius and insanity.

"This is the end, beautiful friend the end"
-Jim Morrison(Song The End)

"The killer awoke before dawn, he put his boots on
He took a face from the ancient gallery
And he walked on down the hall
He went into the room where his sister lived, and...then he
Paid a visit to his brother, and then he
He walked on down the hall, and
And he came to a door...and he looked inside
Father, yes son, I want to kill you
Mother...i want to...fuck you"
-Jim Morrison(Song The End)

Never in history have there been more flawed geniuses than in the western Music Industry. Madness, insanity, dementia, depression, alcohol and drug addiction, early deaths, but in common with each and everyone of these people was sheer genius. Jim Morrison will probably be remembered among his contemporaries as one of the most powerful songwriters of all time. Songs from the doors defined a new breed of psychedelic rock. Where Pink Floyd was all about the Music, the world had never quite heard lyrics as captivating and mesmerising as the ones in the songs of the doors sung by the Lazy Drone of Jim Morrison. But there was a hypnotic power in that voice, one that transcends generations and even today inspires many followers. But behind this genius lay troubles far greater than any of us ever could imagine. Morrison had a life full of conflicts, and in his last days was nothing but depressed. Till date no-one knows how he died. Murder, suicide and an accidental overdose the only possibilities.All 3 suggesting a life of great troubles. With him, we explore the possibility. Was the reason he was such a great artist, his troubles with life? He is but a small name, in a list full of such people. One of the most notable being Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain. In all his songs, he seemed like a man who was on the very brink. Stoned with every performance, his drugs almost formed the basis for his songs. Anyone who's heard "Milk It" can safely say that no human being in his right mind would be able compose it. The whole song "which is just an ensemble of shrieks and moans" just sounds like Cobain in fits of agony. And IT WAS A HUGE HIT! That's right, no questions asked. It was impressionist, the same way picasso used to spray colours on canvas, the public liked it, it was a hit. Cobain, after a life battling addiction finally chose to end his own life by shooting himself in the head leaving behind a wife and child. The list is endless, Jimi Hendrix, John Lennon, Bon Scott.. So i'll leave you guys hanging on this one. Do you think it's their insanity, that made them musical geniuses? Ciao guys, have a nice time thinking about this one....

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Get me out of here!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Home is where the heart is..... Supposedly is. 2 and a half months, that's all it took. And now, get me out of here! The daily yellings, the nagging, the chores, the "responsibility" of visiting relatives, all coupled with almost daily lectures of how i'm wasting my life and what i should do to be a good son. It's funny how the human mind is never really satisfied actually. When at hostel, food sucks, and life rocks. At home, life sucks and food rocks. Well, life doesn't entirely suck. When my friends were free, we used to play football almost every day, go out for movies, etc. That way, i enjoy the freedom i get at most times from home. But when it comes to me inside the house, now that's a whole different story isn't it? When are you going to learn to stop being such a fussy eater? Pick up the phone, Answer the doorbell, wake up early, go to sleep early, don't spend so much time on your laptop, look up at least when we're talking to you...... I could just keep going. I never used to think much of this stuff before i went to hostel, now it seems to drive me insane. I'm too used to living life my way now, and this home lifestyle is a real killer now. The past 2 and a half weeks, i've been forced to wake up at 7.30. A holiday, and 7.30 A.M. (This blog is meant for those teenagers who like to get up late and not to those freaks of nature who do otherwise). Add to that the fact that my mom made me go to an employment agency to do an "internship"(Since when do mechanical engineers work in employment agencies i wonder). And it isn't even like i got to do anything useful there. (It's an employment agency, recession.. d'uh!), no certificate, no pay. And why on earth would she want me to go there? Because she thought i was spending too much time on the laptop playing games. I sat and played claw there too! (Claw!!! @_@) But end of the day, a reflection, the only time i've ever been really happy was in hostel. Where else could i choose to sometimes ignore phone calls from home pretending to be sleeping while sitting and playing AOE instead? You learn something new about yourself everyday. Here i learnt, i love my parents, i love my family, as long as they there's some distance. And to those of you that think i'm being cold, screw it. I'm being me!

Saturday, July 4, 2009

You are so out of fashion!!!

You know, now i get the reason i like retro music. I'm old fashioned! It's been a startling revelation, but here it is. I was just sitting down one day reflecting, and realized that i have almost always been behind the times. In first semester, the norm was to study. Missed that and started playing too much sports(TT), which is something i never did when i was in school. Got a suppli in first for my er... "uncoolness". Enter second sem, the theme of that sem was Sports. Er, ended up doing nothing meaningful. ( I attribute that incumbency to the fact that I was "tired" after my athletic exploits in first sem and just for the record, did nothing great in first sem too with the sports). Enter 3rd sem, Lan Gaming, and i didn't have a laptop( didn't really stop me from playing though it did hinder my progress considerably). I remember the entire hostel people used to play counter strike till around 2 or 3! And poor old me either had to irritate my room-mate(me thinks the poor is better suited for him haha) or go all the way to the other corner of my hostel and play courtesy of my good friend Gowda(he was damn cool with it because i was his guru). But in spite of my gaming, it hardly matched up to the amount the rest played, so i had enough, and got a laptop the following semester ready to fling myself into the arena with a vengeance. "What arena?" was what i heard when i got back to college. It was the end of counter strike, in place of the aoe craze that was around, it was but a pale shadow of sem 3. Where did everyone go i wondered? Pat came the reply, "All sitting with their guitars." Now this was an opportunity that i couldn't miss. All my life i wanted to play the guitar, so what if i couldn't tell a g-string from and e? So what if the only prior experience i had was playing air guitar to a kirk hammett or a jimmy paige solo? Those guys are playing guitar, so will i. So i started, with my "gaming" laptop as a guide. But by the time i got any good at it, the semester finished, the culturals were over, and i missed another opportunity to display that i could beat the best of them. So, now what i wonder, I've been playing the guitar the whole summer, and i smoked a kirk hammett solo and a jimmy paige one for good measure. And then realization hits me, no-one's gonna give a damn mate! But i'll tell you what, I DO!! And trend change, kiss my ass. I've found my niche, and i'm stickin to it......